Good evening all (or morning, for it’s so late it’s technically early)
Am I a grown up yet?
See, sometimes I think I am. I can budget and shop and cook and wash and clean and iron and I am proficient at all of these things. Right now I’m writing Christmas cards and sending them to as far flung places as New Zealand and Germany and nobody told me to; I bought them, and paid for stamps, and complained about the price of said stamps, commented on the weather to the check-out lady and everything. Adulting.
I go to the pub to catch up with friends and complain about the music being too loud. I had (up until today, technically, but there’s another story) a job, with wage slips and talking to strangers and travel expenses. I own a Nectar card AND Morrison’s Match and More card. I have library membership and a pastry brush and de-icer and an OS map of Derbyshire. Grown up.
And then, bump, I come home and spend half my life sitting on my childhood bed watching Netflix and my parents buy me food and I don’t pay rent and when I go out with my mum she’s like ‘Oh I’ll buy you that, you haven’t got any money’ (which is amazing, thanks) and I realise I am effectively completely dependent on my parents, like a giant, overgrown leech with good hair and four limbs.
My good friend Katherine (Katherine With Words, check her out) is in a similar position and I went to her house the other day and her mum answered the door and chatted to me about life and then I went up to her childhood bedroom and made myself comfy on her bed and it was like being 12 again, minus the terrifying dance routines to songs from Horrible Histories.
I don’t mind; I’m just lucky I have parents and family who are in a position to still support me because not everyone has that, I know. Also there seems to be a lot of us semidults around at the moment so I’m not alone. It’s just sometimes I’m like ‘I CAN ADULT LOOK AT ME MOVE THIS SPIDER AND RENEW MY CAR INSURANCE’ and then other times I’m like ‘Mum do you wanna buy me some spot cream when you’re out.’
Yours childishly,
Georgie
Aged 22 and 11/12
In Other News, She Gets What She Wants
Honestly, my sister-in-law (to be) is quite the force to be reckoned with. If she has her eyes on the prize it might as well already be hers.
She and my brother were attending a posh do, black tie. They got in, sipped a cocktail or two, and then watched as one of my brother’s friends arrived and was turned away for informal dress (jeans). They went over to Friend, who was told ‘Go to the suit place round the corner and sort yourself out.’ S-in-L doubts they will be open at 8pm on a Sunday, and she is correct. Friend is distraught at not getting into the party. S-in-L rolls up her metaphorical sleeves.
Telling my brother to wait outside, she takes Friend by the hand and bursts into the nearest hotel (not even the one they were staying at). Turning on mega-stress, slight wobbly lip, watery eye, she gasps, “Please – you’re going to think this is such a weird question, but please, please will you help me?! My fiance -” she gives Friend a little prod, and shows the lady her engagement ring ” – we just got engaged! – forgot his smart suit trousers and we’re due at this really posh place for his work party and he’s gonna get a bollocking if he can’t go, it’ll really affect how they see him and his commitment so I’m really worried but they wouldn’t let him in in these jeans and they’re the smartest things he had and I’m sorry but do you think, possibly, you might be able to help us find some trousers so we can get in? I’m sorry!”
The woman apparently looked rather touched at their predicament and, long story still quite long, actually got hold of a pair of trousers from a colleague who was so kindly he said they could keep them, and then they waved off the desperate and incredibly grateful couple feeling they’d done their good deed for the day.
As soon as they were out of sight, she switched back to being my brother’s fiancee, wrapped Friend’s jeans round her arm under her bag and used flirty diversion tactics on the jeans-hating security man on the way in. Job done, Friend got in, and when they got back to their own hotel later she also used the engagement ring to blag some free champagne and an upgrade.
Honestly, we all need one like her.
thoughtsunqualified 