Strength is all shapes and minds

I’m starting to learn what it is to be me.

At the age of 24, starting.

I feel happier in myself than I’ve ever done. Not like happy all the time, that’s not it. I get really down sometimes. This year has kinda sucked in a lot of ways. It’s been the most stressed I’ve ever felt. I got my heart broken. I have not made many friends. I spend most of my time staring at the same four walls. My course, biodiversity and conservation, makes me incredibly depressed about the state of the planet and the idiocy of humanity. I hate the city I live in, it’s a concrete rubbish dump.

BUT APART FROM THAT.

What I mean is I think I know myself better. I don’t give a shit what anyone thinks. In fact ‘very few fucks to give’ has become my motto. Not in an unkind way, I still go out of my way to help people – that’s another thing I like about myself is I am much better at talking to people and if I see a gap I can fill, I will do. I value kindness and I am very lucky to have that in abundance in my life. And you give what you get. Make the world a nicer place by living in it.

Having said that, I have a very low tolerance for bullshit, and I don’t think the two are mutually exclusive. Girl at work hungry, I cooked her a big meal to share with her family. Kind! Guy on my course sent a text round the whole course which is majority girls, asking if anyone could sew something up for him. I sent a text back asking if all his fingers were broken. Bullshit! See. Both is good. Call both.

I feel a more stronger identity now. I will confidently identify as bi which has taken a loooong time. I will also happily call myself punk now. I am a bi punk Christian feminist scientist and, I won’t lie, that makes me feel a tiny bit badass. And I am generally more confident – a couple of years ago I’d never have said that to that guy about sewing haha.

This is because of people I have around me, in large part. Over the last five years particularly I’ve met people who make me feel like I can be me, and me is good and loved and appreciated, and those are the kinds of people you need in your life. And because they are so wholesome I hope I make them feel good and loved in return. That’s you. Yes YOU. A cycle of appreciation. ❤ ❤ ❤ I love you and to the ones I haven’t seen in a while, I miss you.

And I feel good in my body. This isn’t to be underrated. Sometimes the things that influence us with how we feel in our body aren’t always healthy, and if something is inevitable you have to be able to disassociate from it to a certain extent. But I was thinking the other day, I came in from a run and I was hot and sweaty and I could feel it in my thighs and I was like this is great, look what my body can do, I feel powerful and energetic and proud of my body – it is to do with feeling powerful, I guess a sort of fitness – I’m not particularly strong so I can’t fully explain it – but I was revelling in feeling alive and happy with this temple I inhabit. Which I haven’t always been. But I think I feel as satisfied with it as I ever will.

I’ve joined a facebook community called Women of Impact and if you are a woman – and every woman has an impact, let me tell you – you should join it because it’s the most wholesome inspiring place, just full of women lifting other women up and praising them and encouraging them and it is amazing. And it has given me a little more confidence that, in this stupid world we inhabit, change will come.

This probably sounded really self-obsessed but it’s meant to make you think about how you feel about yourself, and how you change the world by being in it. You will probably never know how many people’s lives you’ve changed for the better just by being there, whether it was once for ten minutes at a bus stop or it’s a decades-old friendship. You are powerful, you are cool, you are YOU and no-one else and no-one has any right to make you feel less or like you don’t belong. Every day we all kick ass at something.

Well this got longer than I thought so I will leave it there. You are strong, important, kind and loved. You kick ass. Thanks for being there, for me, for someone, for everyone.

Yours strongly

Georgie.

 

In Other News

Well I am grossly obsessed with the X-files – to the point that I frequently dream about it – and I’m going through them all again and I like to guess which storyline it is (I watch them on an app which may or may not be legitimate and it has no information, just a thumbnail).

I’m sitting on my bed, door open, there’s a workman in the next room grouting the bathtub, and I’ve got my headphones in.

I opened an episode and within the first few seconds I got it.

“Exsanguination,” I muttered gleefully. Out loud.

And then I remembered the workman about four feet away, with absolutely no context to that, poor bloke.

I was watching ‘X-Files: the truth about season two’ documentary on Youtube and there was a bit on it that genuinely brought tears of laughter to my eyes, although I can’t really explain why. Dean Haglund who plays Langly, one of the Lone Gunmen, said, “All the little aliens are done by little girls. From a dance school. Believe it or not. They wear these big foam rubber heads. They tried to use boys but they tend to punch each other in the foam rubber heads and like break them and stuff. Whereas little girls”  (and at this point he does an impression of a little girl) “are just happy to sit around with big alien heads on them.” Why is this so funny? Man imagine being a little girl with all your wee pals just sitting in some green room somewhere in your giant fuckin alien heads.