Be gay no crimes

Hello friends!

I haven’t written in such a long time, but I’ve been short on both time and inspiration (sad). I went through a really productive poetry-writing phase as well during lockdown, but the gradual lifting of restrictions away from the news has put paid to most of my depression-fuelled fits of furious verse. My friends are probably very relieved. But in all seriousness, I am a lot happier in 2021 than I was in 2020. Sometimes you have to leave the media cycle behind for your own sake. I’m less aware of what’s going on, but thankfully escaped the plughole of doom that I would swirl down every morning.

No, this time my inspiration came from somewhere else. I have a new person in my life. I’ve been writing this blog for so long I think it’s seen me end three relationships and carry not a few flirtations! You all know way more about me than you ever needed to but yes, finally, the occasion is here, I officially have a girlfriend (of four months now), and it was a bit of a wild at the start when neither of us knew where we were headed, but we actually seem to have settled down into something that is really sweet and lovely and wholesome. Had the whole informing-the-parents thing (I’ve never sat them down for a chat or anything, assuming I looked queer enough, but apparently I threw them off the scent when I got a boyfriend). But I did it very casually. So casually, in fact, and Dad took it so nonchalantly, I was fairly sure he hadn’t heard. We have had other conversations since, mainly about the way Dad speaks about Certain Issues where we know he isn’t prejudiced but people around him don’t – who’s listening? Could his friends approach him? Why does he think certain things are a ‘joke’/punchline etc. (and not just relating to LGBTQ+ issues either, and some conversations came up last year too around BLM). So, some good has definitely come out of my whole BEING GAY thing, because he does go away and think about things, even if he initially gets defensive. I am no believer in the ‘old dog new tricks’ thing – no. Everyone can learn. Btw, I am not gay, I am bi/pan. And probably nonbinary (I’m working through that currently). But Dad said during one of our discussions, ‘Well, I didn’t know she was gay!’ I said, ‘I’m not gay,’ which Mum told me later REALLY confused him hahaha. My mum was like ‘It’s a spectrum, Ian!’ Luckily my mum is a goddamned LEGEND in that department.

Anyway, so it was about this, and changes in my lifetime, and in culture, and history. I went to the beach with my girlfriend a few weeks ago and it was super romantic and at one point I asked her, “Do you mind if I hold your hand?” She was like, “No?? Why?” nonplussed. I said, because if we do, we will be obviously gay, and we might get unwanted attention and people being dicks. She said, “Really? Have you had that before?” I said yes. She was BRILLIANTLY amazed – and she said she’s never experienced homophobia.

Just take a minute to let that sink in.

There are seven years between us – I left sixth form as she started school. Those seven formative years, such a short time, the time when I was tormented mercilessly for being gay, when ‘gay’ was a ubiquitous insult, when everyone was closeted, when even other gays bullied the more-obviously-gays so fingers weren’t pointed at them … The complete lack of any formal education acknowledging even the EXISTENCE of anyone who wasn’t cis/straight, never mind anything useful like sex education. To her time at school, when she was open from her early teens, when she’s never even heard anyone describe anything as ‘so gay.’ A different world!! Blew my mind.

I have gone, in the space of five years, to snogging a girl in a club and getting a heavy tap on the shoulder and being asked to leave because ‘You can’t do that shit in here’, to being able to walk hand-in-hand down a dank cobbled street off the river with my girlfriend, kissing her goodbye (quite a few times) down said street, with three clubs and three pubs on it and men standing outside and smoking and the lighting dim and nobody said a word and I felt … safe.

Last weekend we had a romantic day in Knaresborough. We walked down the river and hired a boat from a huge muscle man, who asked us where we’d come from, said to my girlfriend “I like your trousers, mate,” and then helped us into a boat with, “Have a lovely time, ladies.” We’ve been out for several romantic dinners and every time, I am SO thrilled with the total lack of reaction. Everyone treats us (so far) EXACTLY THE SAME. I can’t tell you how incredible this feels. To be out in the open and it be … nothing!!

We were having, ya know, a fun time together on Saturday night, and when I got up, I looked down at my copy of Radclyffe Hall’s The Well of Loneliness that is lying, half-finished, on my bedroom floor. I was filled with sadness for her, but then thought how vindicated, how passionately furiously delighted she would be at the way we are able to live our lives, here and now.

We are living for all of them.

Thank every person in the world who has helped in every way, big or small, global or to your friends and neighbours, for us to be normal and accepted. There is still a lot of work to do, even here, and this is probably not something I should be ‘counting my blessings’ on, but because of how much society has changed towards LGBTQ+ even in my lifetime I think I will always have some awe in the back of my mind.

I hope everyone now grows up like my girlfriend, who, if it’s mentioned, will give you a funny look and ask ‘Why?’ Because while she knows about the past, that’s just it. It’s in the past.

Yours happily,

Georgie

In Other News

A LONG time ago now, but I went to the pub with KatherineWithWords (But First, Coffee) and she has the most glorious rich brown waist-length hair, and she was winding it absent-mindedly around her hands. Admiringly, I said, “Your hair is so beautiful.”

“Oh, thank you!” she said, her eyes going wide. “I dropped chilli con carne in it before I left!”