Greetings friends,
Sorry, late again, story of my life.
Today we discover tattoos and piercings and bodily autonomy…
I’ll start off with saying I have seven piercings, and my parents don’t like any of them. In fact, my Dad hates them (“Why would you do that to yourself?!”). Mum is more indifferent. She doesn’t like them, but when one of mine bled in the night and made a huge scab that nearly made me pass out, she was very nice about it and cleaned my ear very gently while I lay on the sofa with my head in her lap. She did laugh a bit, but still.
My parents don’t particularly like tattoos either. My brother has six now. Dad always rags him about them and makes fun.
But here’s the thing: they don’t actually care.
So I had this disagreement (it was mild, but it was extremely early in the morning and I wasn’t awake enough to have the full filter on yet) with my friend’s mum about tattoos. Her son wants one and she really hates them.
Her argument is that tattoos are permanent; people judge you for them; some employers don’t like them. These are all perfectly valid (although they shouldn’t be: seriously, employers? Get a grip, it’s 2015. Over 20% the population of Britain has a tattoo. Seriously). However it’s the fact that she is SO dead against it that I find odd.
Does it really matter?
It’s his body. Sure, I think as parents you can definitely go, “I wouldn’t really like it. Have you considered all the ramifications to this (future employment, judgement, positioning, possible removal, cost, etc.)?” But then I think that you should trust your kids (especially if they’re old enough to get a tattoo – 18 – so also old enough to vote, to drive, to marry, to live alone, to have a mortgage, to drink, and all that other stuff which arguably requires more maturity). It’s fine to put your point across. But then you must also respect their decision as a person.
I think to say ‘Don’t you dare do this, or else this …’ is not respectful of a person’s autonomy, their ability to make their own decision. It’s exercising a right over their body that actually, whether their parent or not, you don’t have. It’s teaching them that their body isn’t entirely theirs. It’s teaching them that your decision must always be right. It doesn’t let people make their own mistakes, which is sometimes the only way people will learn (like my own absolutely darling, wonderful and ridiculous brother). A stance on one subject like tattoos has larger ramifications.
And does it matter? Will you love them any less? Of course not. But they might harbour resentment towards you, if you stop them doing something they’re set on, and will that be conducive to a great relationship? Consider which battles to fight. That’s something my mum said to me ages ago, when I asked her why she just let my brother swear. She said “I pick my battles.” She decided swearing in the house was just not worth falling out about. It’s not important.
I’m not trying to give anyone parenting tips, hell no! I do not have kids and I don’t know if I ever will, to be honest. So I’m speaking as the kid in this scenario. I told my parents and Dad said, “We have a laugh and a joke but in the end, does it matter?” I said “If you’d totally banned me I’d probably have got a tattoo,” and Mum laughed and said “Well that’s human nature isn’t it?” Haha.
So, respect to all parents, man. You have the hardest job in the universe. But kids do, in the end, grow up and will learn, and see the world differently to their parents, and come to different conclusions and different views – and don’t you think that’s exciting? If you raise someone intelligent and mature and who can reason and think and decide things all for themselves? Who can analyse and see things totally different? I said to my dad once, when I was about 13, “Isn’t it weird that you have kids and teach them, but they grow up and make all their own decisions and are like their own person with all their own thoughts and stuff?” and my dad looked a bit surprised and said, “I suppose so. But that’s good if you think for yourself.”
I sort of lost my way a bit here. It got a bit profound for a minute. Steady on.
Anyway, basic point: respect kids’ bodies, boundaries and decisions, and they will too.
Yours many-earringedly, Georgie
In Other News, Mum Again
I was in my parents’ kitchen and helping my mum cook and I got thirsty and couldn’t be bothered to get a glass, so when her back was turned I just stuck my mouth under the tap like a heathen.
Only then my mum turned round and yelled ‘REALLY?!?!?!’ right down my earhole, causing me to jump, bash my face on the tap, and spit out a mouthful of water, all in one beautifully elegant (not) motion.
I feel her reaction was not the most productive here.
thoughtsunqualified 